Don't Believe It Anymore
by CountToAMillion8
Summary: Tony misses Ziva... Who knows what might happen next? I don't know, I'll just let go with the flow of writing. Hope you like it.
1. He used to believe in love

_**Ok guys, so this is my first fanfic in english, I already wrote one in german, since I'm from Germany. Please forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistakes and please tell me about them! Aaaaaaand: REVIEW; REVIEW; REVIEW! I want to know what I can do better, what you liked, what you want to see in the next chaper, and so on...**_

_**I hope you liked what I created (if anyone ever reads this...), I hope I will be able to continue soon! **_

**HE USED TO BELIEVE IN LOVE..**

The moment the plane hit the ground, Tony finally felt like he was at home. Only that he wasn't in DC but in Tel Aviv. He was visiting Ziva, without announcing himself. She didn't know he would come. He was so happy to finally be able to talk to her again, to touch her again, to have her in his arms again, and to kiss her again…

His thoughts went off to that last kiss they shared at the airport before he left. Yes, it was him who left but it was her decision, wasn't it? She was the one who needed time and space to think and to make a new start. But was that really all her fault? What if he had stayed, even if she didn't want him to? But what would Gibbs have said about that? Tony knew he knew how he felt about Ziva, well at least he got an idea of it. Still, he would have wanted Tony in DC, not in Tel Aviv…

When the doors of the plane finally opened and Tony emerged from his seat he could already feel the familiar warmth of Israel's summer. But it wasn't as hot as in _that_ summer. When he went searching for her even when he thought there was no hope left that he would find her alive. This really was the worst summer he had ever had, thinking she was dead. And when he found her, abused and defeated, ready for death. The way she looked him into the eyes, he knew she was done with her life. That for her, there was no reason to live on. That had broken his heart, because for him there would always be a reason to carry on. He would always see a light at the end of the tunnel. He would never give up. Because of _her_.

That was why he was here, at Tel Aviv. He didn't want to give up, even though she told him to leave her alone to let her start a new, clear life. In those days in desert, when he told her he couldn't live without her, he really meant it. Without her there was no meaning to his life, there was no reason to carry on. That's why he came back to Israel. If she didn't want to go back to DC with him, he would just stay here with her or go wherever she wanted with her.

Suddenly he heard a voice. It was barely audible, only a whisper, but he would know in a hundred years who that voice belonged to. He turned around and saw Ziva standing at the airport and looking at him. He smiled. Finally, he had her back. Slowly, he made his way towards her. When he was finally there he was speechless. She was beautiful as always, just gorgeous. He couldn't say a word, so he just pulled her close and held her for what felt like an eternity. Her body melted into his body and they were finally one again. He only pulled back to look her into the eyes, her wonderful hazel eyes.

Finally they had each other again. He could feel his heart beating faster as he pulled her head towards his, her mouth almost touching his…

He felt how she fell down to floor, right at his feet. He looked at her, confused by what had happened. Why had she fainted? Then she saw what was flowing like water from behind her head. It was blood. He kneeled down at her side, knowing he couldn't do anything.

"Ziva, look at me….", was all he could say.

"Tony…", her voice barely a whisper.

He just got her back and now he lost her again. Forever. Why did life have to do this to him? What did he do wrong to deserve all of this? He had finally found his true love, the person he wanted to spend his life with and now it was all taken away from him. She had been his soul mate. He felt tears streaming down his face and heard a sob coming from his throat, but all of this seemed so far away for him, like he was watching from distance.

He woke up with tears in his eyes. His pillow was soaked with tears, just like his shirt.

"It's ok, calm down, it was just a bad dream, she's not dead.", he tried to calm himself.

Finally his tears dried and he could think a bit clearer. He had had this dream for the third time now since he came back from Israel last week. He was just missing her so much and he cared so much about her. His biggest fear was that, without him having her back, she would end up in some kind of trouble all alone. He didn't want to lose her. But this time, it was just a nightmare and she was still alive, nothing had happened.

But how could he really know she was alive and alright? She hadn't called him once since his plane left the airport, not even a text. The smile she sent him was the last sign of her he got. Right now, Tony had never felt that alone. She was gone, and she didn't want him to follow her. As much as he wanted to go after her anyways he knew she would never forgive him if he did that.

Tony tried to close his eyes to get some sleep but all he could see was her broken smile at the airport. Damn, he missed her that much. She was the one that made his life worthy, no more than that, she made his life complete. And all he wanted was to have her back by his side.

But that was impossible.

He would never see her again.


	2. She used to believe in fate

_**A/N: **_

_**Hey guys, I'm so sorry it took me that log to update the story. BUUUUUUT: I am so so so so so so so incredibly happy about all your follows and favs! Still, I would love to actually hear your thoughts on my story so REVIEW!**_

_**Have fun with the chapter!**_

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**SHE USED TO BELIVE IN FATE...**

Ziva lay on her bed, wide awake. She really wanted to sleep, tomorrow was going to be a tough day, but she couldn't. Her mind was spinning and she couldn't just close her eyes and think of nothing. All she could think of was him. She had clearly made the wrong decision. But she also couldn't undo it. All she wanted was for him to come back, to tell her it was ok. But she was the one that had told him to go home and forget her and obviously that's what he had done. He hadn't called, not even send a text.

She missed him so much. She knew he was still hurt because of Adam even if didn't want to show it to her and now again she had disappointed him. Honestly, she hadn't wanted him to leave but she had known it was for the best and that this was the only possibility to start her new life. But he had told her could have changed with her…

She rolled to the other side of the mattress she was lying on and stared at the wall. She didn't have any money anymore so she had to stay in this ugly old place in the suburb of Tel Aviv. She had left her parents' house once Tony was gone. She had strolled around without any direction for a few days before she checked in into this "hotel". She still didn't know what she wanted to do with her life, all she knew was that she wanted to start over. A clean life.

She looked at her watch and it told her that it was already 5 am, so she got up, got dressed and was just about to leave the house when someone knocked. She spun around.

Tony.

He came back to her.

Finally.

Happy like a little child she walked towards the door to open it. So he didn't leave her. So that kiss meant something to him as well. She smiled even brighter when she thought of that kiss. It had been beautiful, simply the best kiss she had ever had. She had felt all the love he had for her in that kiss and all his depression about having to leave her. She hadn't even wanted him to do so but sometimes you have to tell the right people to do the wrong things to protect them. Because you love them. It is what it is. It is what you have to do. Even if it was suicide.

She opened the door and already wanted to lean in for a hug when she realized the person standing behind it wasn't Tony but Adam. Her face turned ice cold. She did not want to see him, not after that night. It was still a very bad memory for her and she didn't want to be reminded of that.

"Adam.", she simply stated.

"Nice to see you, too, Ziva.", he answered.

"What do you want?"

"You have to come with me, Mossad needs you.", he explained.

"I'm done with my old life and you know that. Find someone else to do whatever the job is, I won't come with you.", she shot back.

"Ziva, please, there is no one else who could do it.", he pleaded.

"So, what's it about?", she sighed. It seriously couldn't be so important, dangerous or whatever that she was the only capable of doing the job.

"Your father."

And with these words she finally let him in to sit down on the couch to explain. He told her that his father had had some sort of secret file hidden in a place he would tell her later and that she had to find it because it contained sensitive information about weapons they used at the Mossad. Finally, he told her that she would even get money for it, much money.

"Fine, I'll do it.", she finally sighed. She could use some money, she had barely nothing left. She could also start her new life after this mission.

"You have one hour to pack. Come to the headquarter in two hours."

She nodded. It wouldn't take her that long to pack all her things, she didn't have much. Still she had some calls to make before she left. Should she tell him? But he didn't call her so he didn't care, did he?

She put on her cell phone and clicked on number one on her speed dial. Yes he was her number one. Still. And probably forever.

He answered the phone after the second ring.

"Ziva. I missed you", and as she heard him saying these words she broke out in tears.

Yes, she missed him too.


	3. They used to believe in miracles

**A/N:**

**Hey guys, so here's the new chaper, I hope you enjoy it.  
I felt kind of depressed today, I even don't know why but while writing this it got better.  
In the end I really felt good again, writing really helps. **

**Please, leave REVIEWS for me (I really enjoyed to read the last one ;)) **

**I hope you like what I created!**

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"Ziva? Ziva? Ziva, what's wrong?", Tony asked in confusion. Of course, he was glad that she finally called him but why was she crying? Was something wrong with her? Was she in danger?

It felt so good to her to finally hear his voice again. She had always loved his soft, caring voice.

"Ziva, talk to me, please.", he pleaded but still, he didn't get an answer.

She knew he was so far away, but all she wanted to do was to hug him, to really hold him close to make her feel whole again. Her meeting with Adam had changed everything, again, and Tony was what she needed now.

"Ziva, listen to me. Whatever just happened it is ok. You will get through it. We will get through it."

"Tony…", she finally answered. "I missed you." His heart jumped as he heard that because yeah, he had missed her, too, really missed her.

"Ziva, is everything ok?", he carefully asked, not wanting to force her to tell him what she didn't want to tell.

"Yes…", she said, "I was just so glad to hear you again." He smiled a little now.

"So, why did you call me then?"

"Can't I just call a good friend for no reason?" Good friend, really? He thought what he had felt when they kissed was more than just friends. And she was the one to tell him how she felt, wasn't she? So why did she just call him only a good friend?

"Tony? Are you still there?" Then, it dawned in to her. Friend. Why did she have to use that word? She just destroyed everything they had. Or did he even feel the same? In fact she was the one who pulled into the kiss and told him that she loved him and of course he responded to the kiss, but this was Tony. You could never really know what he was thinking or why he was doing certain things. For her, he was more than just a good friend. Much more.

"Um, yeah, sure. Of course you can. You know that I'm always there for you whenever you need me."

"Thanks Tony. That means… a lot."

"So now, seriously, why did you call?" Damn, how could he read her that well, even through the phone?

She sighed. "I… I…", she began.

"Ziva, what is it?"

"I'm going back to Mossad.", finally, it was said.

"But… why? I thought you wanted to start over?"

"I did. And I still do, but it's got something to do with my father. I can't give you any details, sorry."

What was going on with her? When he was with her in Israel she had clear she didn't want to go back to Mossad, especially not now when Orli was leader. That was number two on her bucket list. What could possibly be that important that she would re-join Mossad now? She had promised him to stick to the list…

"Tony, I'm so sorry… I just wanted to hear you and to tell you what I am about to do."

"It's ok, sweet cheeks", god, how she loved when he said that to her…. "I'll always have your back. You know that."

"Thank you Tony. Thank you." She couldn't really tell him how much and for what she really thanked him because he wouldn't understand. She just wanted to thank him for being him, for having her back, for always lightening up her darkness, for everything. He was her light at the end of the tunnel but she would never be able to tell him, because he was much too far away.

"Tony, I have to go now. I'll meet Adam in 20 minutes."

"Ok, take care.", he said softly. Then the line went dead.

"I love you.", he whispered into the phone, even though he knew she couldn't hear him anymore.

Wait… Adam? What was she doing with him again? He felt his heart burn and jealousy grew in him. He wasn't even gone for very long and she already was back at his feet? Why? Wasn't he good enough? Obviously not, or she wouldn't have make him leave her behind. But why Adam? He knew, or at least he thought so until this moment, that she was ashamed of what had happened between those two. Why was she going back to him again?

He loved her.

And she loved someone else.

And he was much too far away to do anything against it.

He loved her.

He felt tears rushing down his face as he leaned back into the pillows of his bed. He had been so happy that she had finally called him and now he even felt worse than before. Why Adam? He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but all he could see was Ziva sitting on Adams lap, hugging him and even… kissing him…

He opened his eyes again. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep this night and o he got up to watch a movie. That always calmed him down. By watching films, he could just forget everything.

He walked over to his movie collection and searched for what film he could watch. When he eventually found one he liked he sat down on the couch and pressed the PLAY button. Normally, Ziva would be sitting next to him now, careful not to come too close but eventually she would lean on him and some time after that he would put his arm around her waist to hold her close. But today he was alone and she was with Adam now, maybe even also watching a movie with him and cuddling with him.

He couldn't stand the thought any longer so he got up and went to his kitchen. He had sworn himself to never ever drink away his sorrows again, but he just felt so lonely right now and that was all he could think of. He was just about to grab a bottle of wine when his phone beeped.

He turned around towards his mobile. One new message, hidden number, it said. He opened it.

"We should do that more often.", Ziva. Who else could it be?

"What?", he texted back.

"Talk. Sleep tight. Dream of me ;)", she answered. He didn't expect something like that from her but still, it felt good to him. Maybe he was just overreacting about this thing with Adam.

"I will", he answered and went back to his bedroom. He fell asleep almost immediately, only her on his mind. And yes, he did dream of her that night. Her, lying in his arms all night long.

He loved her.

And he knew that he always would.

Forever.

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**A/N:**

**So, that's it! I hope you liked it. **

**Plllllleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassssssssssseeeeeeeeeee REVIEW! You can't possibly know how much every single review means to me. I will reply to all of them, I promise. **

**Kisses,**

**CTAM**


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